ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
