well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I want to make a zoo with you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
