Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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