I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize