some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
