i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
