she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
