At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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