I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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