How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
