I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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