we have officially lost it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
