I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize