True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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