Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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