He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
