bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
