im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
