in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
