And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
