Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
