how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want a musical about memes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
