Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
