I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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