I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
