Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
