Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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