Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
