I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just cropdusted the office
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
