I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
