I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
