I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
