still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
