Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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