found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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