Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
