My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
