so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
