i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He better not be in your backpack
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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