My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
