I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
