My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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