i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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