She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I want to be your penis for a week.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
