Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
