I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
