He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
this just has baby written all over it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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