so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
