girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
