we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
