I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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