are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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