Don't make out with my wife yet
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
