this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
