His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
