I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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