I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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