I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
