It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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