I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
