I'm drive I can fine osifer
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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