So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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