love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
