omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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