lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
