How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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