We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
