You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
