There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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