I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Found your dick twin last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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