i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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