i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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