Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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